If your child is refusing to go to school, mornings have probably become the hardest part of the day. Stomach aches, tears, a locked door, a child who will not get in the car. It is exhausting and frightening, and it is rarely simple defiance. Coaching can help young people aged 11 to 18 manage the worry underneath and take small, steady steps back.
School refusal is when strong feelings, often anxiety, stop a young person from going to school. You may also hear it called emotionally based school avoidance, or EBSA. It is not the same as skipping school or truancy. Most young people in this situation want to go, but their feelings are too big to manage on the day.
There is usually more than one reason. Common ones include anxiety about work, tests or other people, friendship problems or bullying, a difficult move to a new school, low mood, and learning needs that have not been picked up, including ADHD or autism. Your child may not be able to tell you what the reason is.
Staying at home brings relief that day, which makes the next morning harder. Department for Education guidance notes that a long period of absence can increase a young person’s anxiety about going back. That is why small steps back usually work better than waiting until your child feels ready.
Speak to your GP if your child is missing more and more school, mornings are getting worse, or they seem hopeless or very low. The Department for Education’s guidance for schools sets out what schools should do when mental health is affecting attendance.
If your child will not accept any help at the moment, read What If They Say No to Help?
Every programme begins with a clinical assessment. Synapse considers suitability and what support is needed, and builds a personalised care plan. Your child meets their Coach first and decides whether to go ahead.
Coaching works on what makes school feel impossible: managing worry on the morning, building a more constructive mindset towards themselves and setbacks, getting sleep and routines back on track, and agreeing small steps back that your child has chosen. Each week they review how it went and plan the next step.
With your consent, we can liaise with the school, and sessions can take place at school or at home. Mollie supports you throughout and keeps you updated. Where therapy is needed, we bring in a registered therapist from our vetted network and coordinate the team, and our clinical team oversees the work throughout.
Every Synapse Coach has lived experience young people relate to, and that is why coaching works:
A relatable Coach builds the relationship.
The relationship creates engagement.
Engagement makes implementation possible.
Implementation creates change that lasts.
See our programmes and fees, or read more about when your child is struggling at school.
Synapse is for mild to moderate difficulties. It is not the right fit for a young person in crisis, with an eating disorder that carries medical risk, or with a dependence on alcohol, drugs or gambling. If that is your situation, Mollie will help you find the right service. See what we help with.
Synapse is not an emergency service. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent advice, call NHS 111. See our urgent support page for other services.
The first conversation with Mollie is at no charge, with no commitment. She replies within one working day, and there is no waiting list.
Still unsure? Read 5 Reasons NOT to use Synapse.
