When Your Child Is Struggling at School

When a child aged 11 to 18 starts struggling at school, it rarely begins with a crisis. Homework slips, mornings become a battle, and then a child who used to manage starts finding reasons not to go. Coaching can help young people rebuild the skills and confidence to cope before school avoidance becomes a pattern.

Signs to look out for

• stomach aches, headaches or tearfulness on school mornings
• missed homework, falling grades or giving up on subjects they used to enjoy
• pulling away from friends, or worry about what others think
• arguments and shutdowns whenever school is mentioned
• late nights, heavy gaming, social media or phone use
• asking to stay home more often, or refusing to go at all

Why it happens

Secondary school asks a lot: more subjects, more independence, exams and a busier social world, much of it online. Most young people adjust. Some find the demands outstrip the skills they have for managing worry, organising work and recovering from setbacks. Anxiety and low mood often sit underneath. When a child avoids school because it feels overwhelming, this is sometimes called school refusal or emotionally based school avoidance. It is rarely simple defiance.

What you can do now

• Ask what feels hard about school, rather than why they won’t go.
• Keep the morning routine calm and predictable, even on difficult days.
• Talk to the school early. Most schools would rather know, and can often adjust things.
• Look for small steps back, such as one lesson or part of a day, rather than all or nothing.
• If things are not improving after a few weeks, look for support.

Our guide Why Isn’t My Teenager Coping? covers this in more detail.

How Synapse helps

Every programme begins with a clinical assessment. Synapse considers suitability and what support is needed, and builds a personalised care plan. Your child meets their Coach first and decides whether to go ahead. Goals are agreed at assessment and reviewed regularly, and Mollie keeps you updated throughout. With your consent, we can liaise with the school, and sessions can take place at school.

Coaching is usually weekly, online (50 minutes) or in person (90 minutes) at home or another place that suits. Where therapy is needed, we bring in a registered therapist from our vetted network and coordinate the team, and our clinical team oversees the work throughout.

Every Synapse Coach has lived experience young people relate to, and that is why coaching works:

Relatability = connection = relationship = engagement = change that lasts

See our programmes and fees.

When coaching is not the right fit

Synapse is for mild to moderate difficulties. It is not the right fit for a young person in crisis, with an eating disorder that carries medical risk, or with a dependence on alcohol, drugs or gambling. If that is your situation, Mollie will help you find the right service. See what we help with.

If you need help urgently

Synapse is not an emergency service. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent advice, call NHS 111. See our urgent support page for other services.

Message Mollie

The first conversation with Mollie is at no charge, with no commitment. She replies within one working day, and there is no waiting list.

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